Hot Lava
"In my mind I can do so many things." Jeannette, age 50 and a half
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"Let's go this way." "Through muddy pond and fall in the dust.'" "You kept it on your phone and sent it to me so I know where to go." "This way it says. Follow me" "So, my compass says where you're going so I go where you go." "Magic Compass, make rocks! Thank you." |
I imagine we all played some version of the game Hot Lava as children. The ground is Hot Lava and only those objects above the ground are safe to stand on. This game I am watching is similar, with modern variations... a shady meeting spot, perfect for constructing routes on clipboards and discussing them at length before they venture around again. Oh, and "cell phones". Cell phones they repeatedly check to ensure they are on the correct path. And they are... until they aren't.
"You want to say where I go and I want to say where you go. Sorry, I'm not explaining it well."
"I'm not following you because I just don't want to hear it."
Hot Lava is a game of navigation. Following the paths created by the rocks, stumps and logs will only take them partway around the yard. Foresight is needed to bring an object with them, in this case the shovels, planks, sleds and cushions they find strewn about. Even the wagon and tables are safe places for them to stand, though trickier to navigate are the people they encounter who are using these objects. But Hot Lava is also about interpersonal navigation. They are navigating rules, routes and relationships; who will lead, whose idea is accepted, what happens when we disagree.
And here we stumble on perhaps the most important question of all... what happens when we disagree. It's tempting as Grown-Ups in a child's world to rush in and sort out the conflicts, to intervene before feelings or bodies get hurt, to save them from the scorching Hot Lava. But the reality is we can't. The conflicts and struggles in their imaginary play are often a direct response to actual struggles and conflicts they are experiencing. Through play they learn to overcome their fears, their confusions, their misgivings, and our intervention simply slows down that learning. We also must learn to navigate, to differentiate what we believe will help them and what we'd prefer for our own comfort.
"I'm not following you because I just don't want to hear it."
Hot Lava is a game of navigation. Following the paths created by the rocks, stumps and logs will only take them partway around the yard. Foresight is needed to bring an object with them, in this case the shovels, planks, sleds and cushions they find strewn about. Even the wagon and tables are safe places for them to stand, though trickier to navigate are the people they encounter who are using these objects. But Hot Lava is also about interpersonal navigation. They are navigating rules, routes and relationships; who will lead, whose idea is accepted, what happens when we disagree.
And here we stumble on perhaps the most important question of all... what happens when we disagree. It's tempting as Grown-Ups in a child's world to rush in and sort out the conflicts, to intervene before feelings or bodies get hurt, to save them from the scorching Hot Lava. But the reality is we can't. The conflicts and struggles in their imaginary play are often a direct response to actual struggles and conflicts they are experiencing. Through play they learn to overcome their fears, their confusions, their misgivings, and our intervention simply slows down that learning. We also must learn to navigate, to differentiate what we believe will help them and what we'd prefer for our own comfort.
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I view Hot Lava as an indicator of burgeoning trust and connection, a childhood version of the Relationship Status button. It's a fast-paced, rules changing, need to work together game, and not something the Little People will enter into with just anybody. The stakes are high in this game; one fall into the Hot Lava and you're toast, and you need to know there is someone trustworthy willing to help you out if you do, not someone who will benefit from your demise. And learning who to trust takes time, and practice, and mistakes. Mistakes that are informative. Mistakes that are crucial to differentiating friendship from mimicry, idolatry, or a clique. Mistakes that we Grown-Ups can not keep them from making, no matter how well-intentioned we believe ourselves to be. They need us to let them fall into the Hot Lava. If you are standing beside a volcano, ignore the last line. |
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