My Big Voice
A Really Scary Mask by Jack, age 4
I have what I call
My Big Voice.
It's stern and strong
and a little bit scary.
My Big Voice works
like a busted gauge;
it comes out
much bigger
than I feel.
I always want
the emotions I feel
to be less intense than
My Big Voice sounds,
and there are
reasons for this.
As long as My Big Voice reflects an exaggeration of my true emotions, I can get the children's attention with only one sentence and then 'dial it back' to continue the dialogue. And continuing the dialogue is, for me, the most important part. Yes, it's crucial that the dangerous behaviour be stopped, and one phrase or sentence from My Big Voice has that effect. But My Big Voice also elicits fear, and that needs to be calmed before any true listening will occur. So after My Big Voice has been 'put away' I sit down with them, all of them, and talk about My Big Voice. I ask how they are feeling, addressing the immediacy of their emotions, allowing space for their fear or anger at me. I apologize for scaring them and remind them that My Big Voice only comes out when I am scared. This group conversation reestablishes the calm and cohesion we feel together, and redirects the danger. Sometimes we discuss the dangerous behaviour I witnessed as a group, and sometimes I wait to address it with only the players involved.
I am very intentional in how I introduce My Big Voice. I let the children know about My Big Voice long before they ever hear it. I explain that it will come out if I am afraid of how they are playing together, or making choices that scare me. I ask them if they want to hear My Big Voice more often than I use it, knowing that most of them will say no. Some of them never hear it. Sometimes I don't need it.
I am very intentional in how I introduce My Big Voice. I let the children know about My Big Voice long before they ever hear it. I explain that it will come out if I am afraid of how they are playing together, or making choices that scare me. I ask them if they want to hear My Big Voice more often than I use it, knowing that most of them will say no. Some of them never hear it. Sometimes I don't need it.
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Why? is a book that waits on my shelf until the moment arises where it is needed, much like My Big Voice. It is a hauntingly powerful, wordless book, with beautiful illustrations and a very sad ending. Because it is wordless I am not giving them a context for the pictures; the children are able to tell the story as they see it, as they are developmentally able to understand it. And we are able to discuss it at their levels.
I only bring this book out when I feel that I know the children really well, and they know me the same. I need to feel their trust before I share this book with them. And afterwards, I always leave it out on the Parent Table, with a note alerting parents that we read the book in case they hear about it in the coming days. I take this book off the shelf when their aggressive play has continued beyond my repeated requests to "be careful with each other". When their play pushes the limits of safety, and consideration for others. Some of them never hear it. Sometimes I don't need it. |